Peace and Rest

"LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES of Peace. Learn to unwind. Whenever possible, resting in the Presence of your Shepherd. This electronic age keeps My children . . . too tense to find Me . . . I built into your very being the need for rest.
. . . I have chosen you less for your strengths than for your weaknesses which amplify your need for Me. Depend on Me more and more, and I will shower Peace on all your paths." 

--Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

As I read this I pictured a warm spring day and a field full of soft, thick, green grass. I see myself as a child, laying in it, arms and legs spread, eyes half-closed, soaking up the sun and watching the clouds go by. A picture of peace and contentment.

PSALM 23:1-4 NLT

The Lord is my shepherd;

    I have all that I need.

 He lets me rest in green meadows;

    he leads me beside peaceful streams.

     He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

    bringing honor to his name.

 Even when I walk

    through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

    for you are close beside me.

 

 



Daily Bread

"Give us this day our daily bread" has taken on new meaning in our household. Over the last 2 months our income has decreased by around 20 percent due to circumstances and choices we have made. We've become very creative with our meals, and much more conservative with our gas. We've shuffled bills around and been late on a few. Our lifestyle has changed in many areas.

My husband really struggles in the area of worry. (I think we all can fall into that trap pretty easily). Especially when it comes to money he fights to surrender control of that area. Don't get me wrong, he is joyful about giving back to God. He has a tremendous amount of faith, but the enemy definitely knows which buttons to push. The pressure is on for him. He takes care of balancing the checkbook and paying the bills, and right now he brings home most of the "bacon." And he's a husband and father of two kids. That responsibility is huge.

I have it easier. I don't have to look at the stack of bills and the bank statements. I manage most of the household expenses. I have a lot of prioritizing to do. For instance: Can I afford the gas to town to meet a friend for coffee? Can I afford the coffee? Do we buy school pictures for our kids, or groceries and gas? So that's where I am right now.

I'm actually OK with being here. I can't explain why, other than the knowledge that God provides. I've heard that my whole life. I've experienced it as a kid when my parents went through these same struggles. I've seen it in my own life and in our family many times. I always have exactly what I need when I need it. My kids are content (mostly). We have choices. We have a very comfortable home, electricity, running water, 2 vehicles, and many things we don't need.

This morning I woke up to my husband telling me about a math error that further complicates our financial situation. But to me, it simplifies things. The way I see it is that we have no alternative but to put our trust and faith in God. As I laid there praying and thinking about the needs of the next days and weeks I made a decision. I am going to ask God what we need for the day. One day at a time. And you know what? We have exactly what we need for today. My husband has gas to get to and from work. We have plenty of food in our home. Our bills are all paid.

Tomorrow we need gas for another day. I will ask the Lord for that. And He WILL provide. How? I don't know yet, and I don't need to know. He has unlimited resources and options to carry that out. Sometimes He uses other people who generously give to us. Our families have been invaluable in their help and support. Sometimes one visit to my Mom fills up our fridge for the week. There are many people in our lives that have blessed us with food, money and other gifts. Why? Because God leads them to do so. And that is a tremendous blessing; for us and for them. It's obedience on their part, and I know for some of them it involves love, faith, trust and an opportunity for growth in their lives.

The Bible was given to show us a picture of God; who He is and how He works. In the account of Abraham and Issac, God leads Abraham to make a sacrifice. Abraham is willing and obedient to give his son, but God provides a ram to take Issac's place. When does He provide? At the "11th hour". Right at the last minute, but no sooner and no later than exactly the time of need. Many times in scripture God provided for His people. When the Israelites were in the wilderness He provided food and drink. He provided protection as they fled Egypt. He provided an opportunity for Ruth to glean food, and later gave her a husband to become her provider, her "Kinsman-Redeemer." There are many examples in scripture. These were real people with real life needs.

God has been at work since before the creation of time. I think He knows what He's doing. One of our pastors has made a statement a few times recently. He said this: "Even if God were a man who had lived as long as He has don't you think we could trust that He knows what He's doing?"

Today it's easy for me to trust. I literally have no other option but worry. And that accomplishes nothing. Someone said, "Worry is like a rocking chair. It keeps you busy but doesn't get you anywhere." What about tomorrow? I pray that if things get "easier" and more comfortable for us that I continue to look to God for my daily needs. Whether I remember to ask Him for daily bread or not, He IS the one who provides it. So today I choose trust, faith and contentment. What a way to live!

³¹ Don’t worry and ask yourselves, “Will we have anything to eat? Will we have anything to drink? Will we have any clothes to wear?” ³² Only people who don’t know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father in heaven knows that you need all of these. ³³ But more than anything else, put God’s work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well. ³⁴ Don’t worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. You have enough to worry about today.  Matthew 6:31-34

"He Loves Us Too Much to Give Us Lesser Things"

"If God loves us, why does He seemingly withhold His blessings, especially when we're weak or vulnerable? . . . I'm convinced that the things we sometimes see as senseless suffering are often blessings in disguise. . . [God] loves us too much to offer us lesser gifts, gifts that somehow distance our hearts from Him. Have you been troubled by a setback you simply cannot understand? . . . try spending . . . more time thinking about God's love for you. . . It's surrounding you right now. Accept it and be grateful." --Laura Story

I've rarely been one to question God, or demand good things from Him. I do sometimes feel a sense of entitlement, though. In the midst of suffering I plead for relief, peace, the ceasing of pain. But that can be when growth takes place-- the stretching, molding. Is that the blessing? Maybe in part.

I just went through an agonizing couple of months of "leaving" a local church body whom I loved very much. God had called me to minister to them, and them to our family. The process was painful, devastating, agonizing--due to the hatefulness, judgment and rejection of some of these people. And I am still very much struggling, hurting, grieving. But was it God's best for me to stay there? I don't think so. Part of the blessing is His ultimate protection from much worse. Another blessing is His fervent guard over my soul, which was beginning to wither spiritually. And in the "long run" I trust that He has a place of health, safety and great blessings in a new place, with new people, a new calling.

 

"Now the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you."  
1 Peter 5:10 HCSB

What are "lesser gifts"? Maybe comfort, wealth, ease, things we label as "good". These things can definitely "distance our heart from Him". We think we don't need Him when we're comfortable. When am I closest to God? Usually in the midst of, or on the other side of pain, NOT when things are going just great and all my needs are met.

"God does not give us everything we want, but He does fulfill all His promises as He leads us along the best and straightest paths to Himself." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:18 NKJV

"You know the profound love that you hold in your heart for your family and friends. As a child of God, you can only imagine the infinite love that your Heavenly Father has for you." --Laura Story

One of my favorite passages in scripture is Ephesians 3:14-20.

¹⁴ When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,

¹⁵ the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.

¹⁶ I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.

¹⁷ Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.

¹⁸ And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.

¹⁹ May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

²⁰ Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

 

It all comes back to God's love for us. We can trust that, although we can't begin to comprehend the depth of it. Because He loves us so greatly He would never allow us to go through pain and suffering-- unless it was a "blessing in disguise" the only means to a blessed ending.

 

I know my theology isn't so deep, but it's where I am right now. The thing about God is that He reveals truth-- patiently, personally and faithfully.

Jesus Calling - August 28th

"GROW STRONG in the Light of My Presence. . . I designed you to commune with Me face to Face . . . Such communion provides a tiny glimpse of what awaits you in heaven . . ."

Psalm 4 (NLT)

 

Answer me when I call to you, O God who declares me innocent.

Free me from my troubles. Have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

² How long will you people ruin my reputation? 

How long will you make groundless accusations? 

How long will you continue your lies?

³ You can be sure of this: The Lord set apart the godly for himself. 

The Lord will answer when I call to him.

⁴ Don’t sin by letting anger control you. 

Think about it overnight and remain silent.

⁵ Offer sacrifices in the right spirit,and trust the Lord.

⁶ Many people say, “Who will show us better times?” 

Let your face smile on us, Lord.

⁷ You have given me greater joy than those who have

abundant harvests of grain and new wine.

⁸ In peace I will lie down and sleep,

 for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.

 

 

Revelation 21:1-5 (NLT)

 

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. ² And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them.⁴ He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”  ⁵ And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!”

 

 

The Blessings

There is a song by Laura Story that asks the following questions:

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops?"

"What if Your healing comes through tears?"

"What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?"

"What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

How do we truly know God? Only through the realization of our weakness are we led to seek Him. Sometimes it takes the raindrops, the tears, the sleepless nights, the trials to lead us there. And what's the benefit of knowing God? Everything! Knowing--intimately knowing --our Creator, the one who knows us better than any other, and provides everything we will ever need--physically, emotionally, spiritually. He is the "air we breathe"-- "our daily bread" -- our sustenance. He is our salvation, our freedom, our Savior and our Redeemer.

So . . . the wealth of hard times during the last 10 years of my life have brought immeasurable blessings. Because of difficult circumstances I moved closer to my parents. There I met my husband. Both of us felt God had ordained our relationship. He used prayer, friends and His perfect timing to bring us together. God has given us 2 beautiful boys. They are my comic relief, my snugglers, smarty pants, smart alecks, and my pride and joy.

I saw the power of prayer and faith firsthand as my son was healed before he was even born. Even the doctors and nurses could not deny or explain this miracle. Because of where we live my husband has been able to receive the best possible care for his specific type of leukemia. And his health is great. Treatment has worked perfectly.

My relationship with my parents is closer than ever due to the difficulties we have faced together. Living close gave me the immense privilege and honor of physically caring for my Grandma in her last years. My sons knew and loved her, and have sweet memories they will carry with them. The greatest blessing in her death is perfect healing. She is not confused, crippled or fearful. She is whole.

In November 2011 I got a new Brother-in-Law, 2 nieces and 1 nephew. My sister remarried into the most wonderful family. Her in-laws are wonderfully supportive people. She is truly blessed with a full house and a full life, which I get to be a part of.

And lastly, my Dad is recovering beautifully. He just retired, and is playing a lot of golf  with clear arteries! ;)

Am I just being optimistic? Uh, no. I'm naturally more of a "Debbie Downer". It is so clear to me the threads God has woven through my life. Threads of blessing, abundance, peace, comfort, providence, healing, gifts. And He is more sweet to me than ever. I know Him more deeply, as well as loving Him and accepting His love and gifts more freely.

Laura Story says this in her book "What if Your Blessings Come Through Raindrops?": "There is a depth of intimacy with God that can only be known through suffering." I testify to this-- pain brings blessings in abundance. Even as I write this I am in the midst of intense pain, but knowing God the way I do I can't imagine what He has for me on the other side of these trials.

"The LORD is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him . . . . "

Exodus 15:2 NKJV

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my savior; my God is my rock in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold."

Psalm 18:2 NLT

 

"The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.'"

Psalm 91:14 NLT

Hard Times

I've been reflecting a lot over the past several years of my life. Before my 30's I had it EASY. No big tragedies, very few heartaches and struggles outside the norm of growing up. But after 2000 that all changed.

In 2002 I was in 3 car accidents within a 4 month time period, one of which was very major and involved litigation. And one of which required physical therapy. The last took place while driving a friend's car which REALLY sucked.

In the years previous my Grandpa had passed away, and my parents moved away. In December of 2002 I moved to southern Oregon to be closer to my parents. At that point in time I hadn't been driving for 4 months due to fear, guilt, embarrassment, and consequences of the last accident. I was also greatly in debt. The move turned out to be a great thing. I got back "on my feet" in many ways.

I met and married my husband and we started a family. But after 2 months of marriage we suffered a miscarriage, and 4 months later I broke my right arm severely which required surgery and months of therapy as well as temporary loss of my piano playing. In 2007 our son Sam was born healthy after a diagnosis of hydrocephalus at 18 weeks gestation. The next summer my husband was diagnosed with CML-- Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. It is a "chronic" form of the disease that never truly goes away. And as of 20 years ago was pretty much a death sentence. Fortunately now it's very treatable.

Around this time we started to see some rapid signs of mental aging in my Grandma, who was truly the Matriarch of our family. She lived in the same home as my parents at the time. Within the next 2 years she was diagnosed with Dementia which turned out to be a very severe case. That journey was physically and emotionally the most difficult thing my family has been through to this point. It is agonizing watching your loved one deteriorate. And the worst part is that they know things aren't right, and sometimes live in a constant state of confusion and distress. To watch my joyful, encouraging Grandma change into a fearful, helpess, sad person was devastating.

In September 2010 my sister's husband left her which led to a very terrible and sad divorce. Our family is very close, and this was devastating to all of us. It was a lot like a death in the family. There was much grieving and sadness for all involved. Divorce is destructive. The effects are permanent. It is surely not what God intended, but we've seen Him continue to work in spite of this.

Last spring my Grandma rapidly declined. We finally called hospice to come assist us. Within 2 weeks of that call she was bedridden and gradually became non-communicative. She passed away on April 17, 2012 surrounded by her children as well as a few granddaughters and great-grandsons.

As you can imagine, we spent much time grieving, but just as I felt some strength and peace coming back, difficult times hit again. On Friday, November 17th my Dad experienced tightness and discomfort in his chest which led him to the ER where we live. After an Angiogram doctors found 6 blockages to his heart and dubbed him a "walking heart attack". He was transferred to OHSU that same day for emergency Open Heart Surgery. So he spent Thanksgiving in the hospital while most of our family celebrated in between trips to the hospital in Portland.

So. What's the point? Well, first of all this is just life. This is what it is. Yucky stuff. Humanity. But more than that it serves a great and GOOD purpose-- to bring blessings. Yep, blessings. I am a VERY emotional person (but if you're reading this you already know that ;)) I feel things DEEPLY. So all this pain and grief is stifling at times. But I am feeling something, and I am ultra-aware of God's presence and his hand on me. That's where the blessings come in. :)

(to be continued) . . .

Jesus Calling - March 13th

"LEARN TO LIVE above your circumstances. This requires focused time with Me, the One who overcomes the world. Trouble and distress are woven into the very fabric of this perishing world. Only My Life in you can empower you to face this endless flow of problems . . . "

I'm pretty sure this is the greatest challenge of this life--living "above" our circumstances. This world is oppressive. That's the nature of sin and imperfection. I know Jesus is perfect now, and also was as a man. However it's easy to forget that He was fully IN this world. He felt oppression, temptation, and sin's effects. Who better to go to, to learn from to "sit with" than Jesus? "Focused time" is necessary because of all the distractions around us and IN us. My mind almost never shuts down. Focused time means clearing your mind--purposefully-- and THEN sitting in His presence--dwelling, abiding, listening.

"As you sit quietly in My Presence, I shine Peace into your troubled mind and heart. Little by little, you are freed from earthly shackles and lifted up above your circumstances. You gain My perspective on your life, enabling you to distinguish between what is important and what is not. Rest in My Presence . . . "

The effect of this time with Him is PEACE. Doesn't that sound amazing? What a gift in this burdensome life. His perspective really changes everything.

Whenever I hear the word "shackles" I think of one of my favorite songs which contains these lyrics:

 

"Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance. I just wanna praise Him.

He broke the chains so I can lift my hands. I just wanna praise Him."

Jesus Calling - March 7th

"LET ME HELP YOU through this day. The challenges you face are far too great for you to handle alone. You are keenly aware of your helplessness . . . This awareness opens up a choice: doggedly go it alone or walk with Me in humble steps of dependence . . . difficulties highlight the decision-making process . . . Consider it all joy whenever you are enveloped in various trials. These are gifts from Me, reminding you to rely on Me alone."

It is so difficult for me to rely on anyone--even God Almighty. I even try to cover up the fact of my helplessness-- to myself. I AM "keenly aware" of it, but I deny it, push it down.

I remember several years ago when I broke my right arm badly. I had to admit my helplessness. My husband and my Mom had to do my hair, help me dress and bathe. I am not good at admitting helplessness. And it is UGLY. It's pure flesh, sin nature-- PRIDE and REBELLIOUSNESS. The pride comes from thinking I know best--the dictionary uses the word "superiority"; and from not wanting to show or admit weakness. The rebelliousness is a struggle for me. If someone makes a "suggestion" I automatically want to do the opposite. (Well, not always. ;) If it is my parents or my husband I do.) Again, I think part of that is an insecurity and thinking that they think of me as incapable or dumb. Completely irrational thinking most of the time.

"Doggedly" is a word I don't use much. OK--ever! It just means tenaciously, stubbornly, not giving it up--like a dog with a bone. Hmmm. Sounds a little like rebelliousness.

Walking with an awareness of God's presence in my life requires HUMILITY and dependence. That's tough for me. Seems easier when there are no challenges or decisions to make. But like Sarah Young states, "difficulties highlight the decision-making process." And we suddenly feel overwhelming pressure and forget all about who has already gone ahead of us, and at the same time walks beside us--our Helper, our Guide, our Protector.

It truly is a "gift" to feel consumed by a difficult trial. At that point there is no denying our helplessness and His strength. We must rely on Him and it feels amazing. Rest, peace and security are what He gives us.

 Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely. (Psalm 63:7-8)

Jesus Calling - February 28th

It's ridiculous how well these words fit me:

"STOP JUDGING AND EVALUATING YOURSELF, for this is not your role."
So why do I (and others) think it is? The problem is that our perspective is completely skewed. First of all, we were intended to live as perfect people in a perfect world. Sin changed all that. There are consequences due to the "original sin". Secondly, I can't possibly conceive of the perfection of Jesus. And God now sees me through the "lens" of Jesus because of His sacrifice for me. So--I have no business 'judging and evaluating' myself, do I?

"Stop comparing yourself with oher people. This produces feelings of pride or inferiority; sometimes a mixture of both."
Yikes! Um "a mixture of both" = ME. It's been a hard thing for me to understand until the last year or so--pride and insecurity exist together. I always felt that people tended to struggle with one or the other. But the problem is that first statement which refers to self. We evaluate and rate ourselves according to what? What is our measuring stick? Well, naturally it falls to others since we don't have the perspective of God.

The sad thing is how much time I (and others) waste devoting our time and energy to this. I mean, sometimes it seems like this is all I do. It's consuming. Not only is it wrong, but it robs God, our families, all of our relationships of attention and devotion. It's just another form of self-centeredness. Sarah Young says it well, "Comparing is not only wrong; it is also meaningless."

I think that my goal needs to be awe, respect and reverence for me as God's new creation. Not just who He made me to be originally, but who I am now--in Christ:

I . . . clothe you in My garments of salvation. . . radiant in My robe of righteousness. (Isaiah 61:10)

The Pursuit of God

I'm reading a variety of books right now including "Les Miserables", Shepherding a Child's Heart", "Who Switched Off My Brain," and "The Pursuit of God."  Quite a hodgepodge, right? Read on.

Firstly, I saw the recent movie adaptation of "Les Mis" in (the musical--not to be confused with the book). Loved it. Watched it twice in the theaters, and would have gladly gone again. It was AMAZING. Second, I am a parent, hence the parenting book. And lastly, I share a Kindle account with my parents, and was exposed to a couple of books by Caroline Leaf that my Dad is reading. One of which is "Who Switched Off My Brain?" Very interesting reading (see my post from Feb. 23rd). http://amclife2009.blogspot.com/2013/02/jesus-calling-feb-21.html

The other book-- "The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer is a classic "Christian" book. I've read it in the past, but it's the type of book you want to absorb--to soak it in, seep into your heart and soul. It is a book about hungering and thirsting after God. It is NOT a theology book highlighting doctrine. It does not contain formulas, fundamentals of Christianity, nor deep spiritual wisdom. The insight and words of Tozer, however, are quite heart-stirring. The language is beautifully written. His words are about Worship of God. True, honest, real, desperate, outpouring devotion and adoration. But it's also about the journey--the pursuit. How do we achieve that type of worship? Knowing God. That's it. And not passively. Aggressively, emotionally, passionately hungering and thirsting for more of Him-- knowing Him, experiencing Him, being with Him. In the preface, Tozer says this:

"This book is a modest attempt to aid God's hungry children so to find Him. Nothing here is new except in the sense that it is a discovery which my own heart has made of spiritual realities most delightful and wonderful to me."
 

I read his words, as well as the words of others such as Sarah Young ("Jesus Calling"). I read God's Word. My heart and mind are so attacted to this personal, real knowledge of God. And I think, "Why can't I be consumed with a thirst for Him?" But for most of us, this is not as simple as turning a light switch on. I spend time being frustrated that I'm not "there" already. But really, I'm on the journey. I'm in pursuit. Step by step. The goal is each day to desire Him more. To walk closer and deeper in His presence. My response will naturally be more passionate with each step.

Jesus Calling - February 24th

"BE STILL IN the light of My Presence, while I communicate Love to you. There is no force in the universe as powerful as My Love. You are constantly aware of limitations: your own and others'. But there is no limit to My Love; it fills all of space, time, and eternity. Now you see through a glass, darkly, but someday you will see Me face to Face. Then you will be able to experience fully how wide and long and high and deep is My Love for you. If you were to experience that now, you would be overwhelmed to the point of feeling crushed. But you have . . . eternity . . . you can enjoy My Presence in unrestricted ecstasy. For now, the knowledge of My (love) is sufficient fo carry you through each day." The woman that 'wrote' this has an amazing way with words. But it's so much more than that. She speaks of a lifetime of walking with God, looking to him for guidance. She has taken the time in her life to truly "be still ... in (His) presence". And she has made it a habit to seek that time out, as well as finding the right place to do such. She desired to hear from God. She speaks of a "quest", a "search for truth". She says "it was God's glorious creation that helped me open my heart to Him." She desired to receive personal messages from God. Now, I know that sounds a little weird, presumptuous, arrogant--and she has received much criticism for her book. But I truly believe this is what God has for each of us. And if we are walking with Him, seeking Him, making time for Him; I think this is exactly what He will do--speak to us PERSONALLY. I believe her words are from God, for her. But based on her testimony, and the measurement of these "messages" next to scripture, I see such value in sharing them with others. We just need to keep in mind the context of her words. To me, this book drives me to scripture (which she references with every entry). Here's what she says about her purpose in sharing: "This practice of listening to God has increased my intimacy with Him more than any other spiritual discipline, so I want to share some of the messages I have received." She goes on to say, "The Bible is, of course, the only inerrant Word of God; my writings must be consistent with that unchanging standard." She finishes the intro of her book by reminding the reader that "Jesus is Emmanuel, God with us." When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Ephesians 3:14-19

Jesus Calling - February 22nd

"YOU NEED ME EVERY MOMENT. Your awareness of your constant need for Me is your greatest strength." Um, I've failed miserably at living in this truth. Sometimes I wonder if I will EVER reach the point in my relationship wih God where turning to Him is more automatic than relying on myself. "EVERY MOMENT." "Pitfalls . . . self-pity, self-preoccupation, giving up. Your inadequacy presents you with a continual choice--deep dependence on Me, or despair." So I either choose--every moment, continually, constantly-- to dwell in Him, to look to Him for everything; OR I live in a pit. Doesn't seem like a hard choice. So how do I do that?? Well, for someone like me who is so good at seeing only my failures, I must choose to keep trying, keep moving--one moment, one choice at a time. Failing once does not equal permanent failure and it doesn't define me as such. "Praying continually . . prayers flowing out of the present moment." This is the sweetest part of knowing Christ. I think back on days, moments where I did this, and the peace is indescribeable. It is like a conversation with someone right there with you throughout your entire day. And it can seem a little "weird" at first, but it just takes practice. Try it! Tell him what's on your mind. Ask him questions. Express your feelings. Seek His guidance. Ask for His strength. "Never stop praying." 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (NLT)

Jesus Calling - Feb 21

TRUST and THANKFULNESS. "Trust protects you from worrying and obsessing. Thankfulness keeps you from criticizing and complaining." Well isn't that the truth? Thankfulness is so effective, and I find that when my attitude is such, it has a great impact on others around me. I'm just pleasant to be around. :) "(Trust) is a free choice that you must make thousands of times daily. The more you choose to trust Me, the easier it becomes. Thought patterns of trust become etched into your brain." Wow. "THOUSANDS of times daily." No wonder the Bible warns and cautions us to be on our guard. If we are not it's just too easy for worry and control to take over. I am reading a book right now by Caroline Leaf called "Who Switched Off My Brain". It addresses this very issues of thought patterns, and specifically 'toxic' thoughts creating pathways in our brain. And the other side of the coin is that patterns of trusting God can create healthy pathways. And what happens in our thought life, our brain, affects every other part of our body, right? And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7 (NLT)

Jesus Calling, February 18th

(For the last month or so I've been going through the yearly devotional "Jesus Calling". It is a very introspective, personal and reflective book. The author shares things she feels God has personally said to her, for her. She also includes scripture. My pattern has been to read the devotion, highlight portions, look at the scripture, and then journal on what spoke to me). For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. Zephaniah 3:17 (NLT) "I AM WITH YOU. These four words are like a safety net, protecting you from falling into despair. . . The promise of My Presence limits how far down you can go." So often I (we) are in the 'pit of despair' when we call on God. What a great thought that he is our 'safety net' and protects (prevents) us from falling into despair in the first place. We don't have to get to that point. IF we find ourselves there, maybe we bypassed the 'safety net'. Something to think about. "Sometimes you may feel as if you are in a free fall . . . Yet as soon as you remember that I am with you, your perspective changes radically." This can be SO true. I am so good at letting circumstances, emotions, people affect me negatively to the point where I feel completely 'out of control'--like free falling. BUT, when I stop (or God puts a reminder in my path) my perspective DOES change radically. The feeling of falling just stops. So . . . how do we get that perspective? By remembering these words, "I am continually with you; you hold my right hand." How do we remember this in the midst of the fall? Make a choice to 'walk' with Him daily--talk to him, read His Word. Make Him a part of all you do. Psalm 73:23-26 (ESV) I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel,and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail,but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

I'm Back!!!

So happy to access this blog again. I had some technical issues getting back here. Probably because my brain has zero ability to process anything technical. :/ I have had such a desire to blog for a while now. So, hopefully you'll hear from me soon!

I am SO excited! After a visit with my physician today I am no longer on meds for high-blood pressure which I've been on for 5 years! Yay! And . . . the dosage on my diabetes med has been lowered! Yay! Yay! And . . . . . . after my bloodwork in 3 months I may be completely off diabetic and cholesterol meds!!! This was really my top goal for the changes I've been making lately. So after only 7 weeks of effort-- what a payoff. :)

Movin' and Shakin'

I LOVE Exercise! What?! Did I just stay that? I have never felt this way.

It's so interesting pursuing this healthy lifestyle as a 30-something year-old Mother of two crazy boys. It's been so long since I made the effort, and now I'm in a very different place. First of all, my body hurts. :/ Ok, so it hurt before when I would start new exercise programs, but not like this, and not for this long. Secondly, I cherish this time for myself and feel proud, energized and optimistic. And it is such a teaching opportunity for my kids, who are usually underfoot while I'm trying to workout. Or they might be hollering at me from another room. I am still working out boundaries with them in this area.

In the past exercise has almost always been a chore, a task, a drudgery. Sometimes after I got going it would feel good, and afterwards I usually felt great. But I rarely looked forward to it like now. Recently I made a goal to exercise 3-4 times a week. I am finding myself wanting to fit it in every day. And it's not obsessive. It's not about losing weight. It's just about how it makes me feel. And I love that!

The "D" Word

So, I'm not "dieting". But I have lost 11 lbs and changed my eating and drinking habits. :) About 4-5 weeks ago I started making a few long-term changes at a time.

I set myself up for success by having lots of good food and drink choices in my house that I enjoy. I also decided that I would make good choices out of the house without being too strict or obssessive about it. I decided to incorporate non-diet-soda drinks into my day. So now, I alternate a Diet Coke with water and/or sometimes a zero calorie sparkling juice/water drink.

My most recent success involves exercise. I don't hate it, but I definitely have a hard time with it. I started two days ago with 45 minutes of an old Richard Simmons tape. I did so well and actually had fun! Then yesterday I did 45 minutes of an old Jenny Craig "Tube and Tone" (without the tube). So I feel pretty darn good! (Very sore, but good). So I am going to "reward" myself by going shopping for a new "tube" and maybe a new workout DVD. And the exercise automatically has increased my water consumption. My goal here is to workout M-W-F each week, and try for at least one time of more natural activity, such as walking, over the weekend.

Why am I experiencing so much success this time without so much directed focus? Well, I am in such a different place in my life. I have so many people (my kids, husband, family, etc.) and activities in my life that I can't spend a lot of time obsessing about weight or weight loss. So, I set some habits that fit with my current schedule and lifestyle. Also, I didn't tell my husband what I was doing. I know, that's weird, but it relieves some of the pressure for me. In the past everytime I mentioned I was going to "do something" in this area it would turn into "our plan" instead of mine. Now, that's actually a good thing, and that's what happens when you're married, right? But that is a lot of pressure for me, and I tend to fail with pressure. I still feel I am having a really good influence on him, and hopefully encouraging him in this area by my example.

Some of the foods I've been enjoying are hummus, raw carrots and cucumbers, cooked broccoli and brussel sprouts, apples, pears, bananas, greek yogurt, string cheese, laughing cow cheese, triscuits, whole-wheat bread, Kashi bars, Healthy Choice Fudge Bars (100 cal), Multi-Grain Cheerios. Most of this is thanks to COSTCO.

Another motivation is my Mom. She has lost over 30 lbs in the last 5 months. It started with stress, and has recently been affected by illness. However, she has made a lot of great choices in between those times.

I have many more thoughts on this journey which I may share soon (if I'm not too busy to get back to the blog, which is questionable). I'd like to share how this is affecting my kids, what my future goals are, and how I see myself in the future. Moving forward!

In Christ Alone (Townend/Getty)

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light my strength my song
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled when strivings cease!
My Comforter my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone! - who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This Gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid:
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till he returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand!


“Firm thro’ the fiercest drought”

Jeremiah 17:7-8

But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

“took on flesh”

Hebrews 2:14

Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil;

Phillipians 2:7

But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:

John 1:14

And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.

"scorned by the ones He came to save"

www.dictionary.com defines scorned as to reject, refuse; to mock, jeer; to ridicule; to show disdain, contempt; to despise, detest, hate. To consider or treat as contemptible or unworthy. The opposite of what Jesus deserves. It's ironic that the antonym listed is praise.

“on that cross, as Jesus died”

Phillipians 2:8

And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.

"the wrath of God was satisfied"

Propitiation. I'd always thought of it as the payment of debt. But the true meaning is that the wrath of someone (God) who has been unjustly wronged has been satisfied. It is an act that soothes hostility and satisfies the need for vengeance. (taken from The Search for Significance by McGee) The sacrifice of Jesus satisfied the wrath of God in his death as payment for our sins.

"every sin on Him was laid"

Isaiah 53:3-6

He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

“light of the world”

John 8:12

Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.

John 12:46

I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth on me should not abide in darkness.

“in victory”

1 Corinthians 15:54-57

Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled: “Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.

“precious blood of Christ”

1 Peter 1:18-19

For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect.

“no fear in death”

1 Corinthians 15:54-57

Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled: “Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ.

“power of Christ in me”

1 Corinthians 12:9

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

"no power of hell, no scheme of man"

(taken from) Romans 8:31-38

If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all. Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

AMEN!

“pluck me from His hand”

John 10:27-29

My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me: And I give unto them eternal life; and they shall never perish, neither shall any man pluck them out of my hand. My Father, which gave them me, is greater than all; and no man is able to pluck them out of my Father's hand.

"Awake", where are you???

So I just wrote a great post about the word "awake". Then it went away. Yes-- lovely computer/internet sucked it into oblivion. I don't have the energy to rewrite it now-- maybe later. But it led me to change the name of my blog which I am pretty happy about. :)

And today (April 3rd) I found it!!!!!! Yay. :)