I've been reflecting a lot over the past several years of my life. Before my 30's I had it EASY. No big tragedies, very few heartaches and struggles outside the norm of growing up. But after 2000 that all changed.
In 2002 I was in 3 car accidents within a 4 month time period, one of which was very major and involved litigation. And one of which required physical therapy. The last took place while driving a friend's car which REALLY sucked.
In the years previous my Grandpa had passed away, and my parents moved away. In December of 2002 I moved to southern Oregon to be closer to my parents. At that point in time I hadn't been driving for 4 months due to fear, guilt, embarrassment, and consequences of the last accident. I was also greatly in debt. The move turned out to be a great thing. I got back "on my feet" in many ways.
I met and married my husband and we started a family. But after 2 months of marriage we suffered a miscarriage, and 4 months later I broke my right arm severely which required surgery and months of therapy as well as temporary loss of my piano playing. In 2007 our son Sam was born healthy after a diagnosis of hydrocephalus at 18 weeks gestation. The next summer my husband was diagnosed with CML-- Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. It is a "chronic" form of the disease that never truly goes away. And as of 20 years ago was pretty much a death sentence. Fortunately now it's very treatable.
Around this time we started to see some rapid signs of mental aging in my Grandma, who was truly the Matriarch of our family. She lived in the same home as my parents at the time. Within the next 2 years she was diagnosed with Dementia which turned out to be a very severe case. That journey was physically and emotionally the most difficult thing my family has been through to this point. It is agonizing watching your loved one deteriorate. And the worst part is that they know things aren't right, and sometimes live in a constant state of confusion and distress. To watch my joyful, encouraging Grandma change into a fearful, helpess, sad person was devastating.
In September 2010 my sister's husband left her which led to a very terrible and sad divorce. Our family is very close, and this was devastating to all of us. It was a lot like a death in the family. There was much grieving and sadness for all involved. Divorce is destructive. The effects are permanent. It is surely not what God intended, but we've seen Him continue to work in spite of this.
Last spring my Grandma rapidly declined. We finally called hospice to come assist us. Within 2 weeks of that call she was bedridden and gradually became non-communicative. She passed away on April 17, 2012 surrounded by her children as well as a few granddaughters and great-grandsons.
As you can imagine, we spent much time grieving, but just as I felt some strength and peace coming back, difficult times hit again. On Friday, November 17th my Dad experienced tightness and discomfort in his chest which led him to the ER where we live. After an Angiogram doctors found 6 blockages to his heart and dubbed him a "walking heart attack". He was transferred to OHSU that same day for emergency Open Heart Surgery. So he spent Thanksgiving in the hospital while most of our family celebrated in between trips to the hospital in Portland.
So. What's the point? Well, first of all this is just life. This is what it is. Yucky stuff. Humanity. But more than that it serves a great and GOOD purpose-- to bring blessings. Yep, blessings. I am a VERY emotional person (but if you're reading this you already know that ;)) I feel things DEEPLY. So all this pain and grief is stifling at times. But I am feeling something, and I am ultra-aware of God's presence and his hand on me. That's where the blessings come in. :)
(to be continued) . . .
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