Jesus Calling - August 28th

"GROW STRONG in the Light of My Presence. . . I designed you to commune with Me face to Face . . . Such communion provides a tiny glimpse of what awaits you in heaven . . ."

Psalm 4 (NLT)

 

Answer me when I call to you, O God who declares me innocent.

Free me from my troubles. Have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

² How long will you people ruin my reputation? 

How long will you make groundless accusations? 

How long will you continue your lies?

³ You can be sure of this: The Lord set apart the godly for himself. 

The Lord will answer when I call to him.

⁴ Don’t sin by letting anger control you. 

Think about it overnight and remain silent.

⁵ Offer sacrifices in the right spirit,and trust the Lord.

⁶ Many people say, “Who will show us better times?” 

Let your face smile on us, Lord.

⁷ You have given me greater joy than those who have

abundant harvests of grain and new wine.

⁸ In peace I will lie down and sleep,

 for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.

 

 

Revelation 21:1-5 (NLT)

 

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. ² And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them.⁴ He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”  ⁵ And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!”

 

 

The Blessings

There is a song by Laura Story that asks the following questions:

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops?"

"What if Your healing comes through tears?"

"What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?"

"What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

How do we truly know God? Only through the realization of our weakness are we led to seek Him. Sometimes it takes the raindrops, the tears, the sleepless nights, the trials to lead us there. And what's the benefit of knowing God? Everything! Knowing--intimately knowing --our Creator, the one who knows us better than any other, and provides everything we will ever need--physically, emotionally, spiritually. He is the "air we breathe"-- "our daily bread" -- our sustenance. He is our salvation, our freedom, our Savior and our Redeemer.

So . . . the wealth of hard times during the last 10 years of my life have brought immeasurable blessings. Because of difficult circumstances I moved closer to my parents. There I met my husband. Both of us felt God had ordained our relationship. He used prayer, friends and His perfect timing to bring us together. God has given us 2 beautiful boys. They are my comic relief, my snugglers, smarty pants, smart alecks, and my pride and joy.

I saw the power of prayer and faith firsthand as my son was healed before he was even born. Even the doctors and nurses could not deny or explain this miracle. Because of where we live my husband has been able to receive the best possible care for his specific type of leukemia. And his health is great. Treatment has worked perfectly.

My relationship with my parents is closer than ever due to the difficulties we have faced together. Living close gave me the immense privilege and honor of physically caring for my Grandma in her last years. My sons knew and loved her, and have sweet memories they will carry with them. The greatest blessing in her death is perfect healing. She is not confused, crippled or fearful. She is whole.

In November 2011 I got a new Brother-in-Law, 2 nieces and 1 nephew. My sister remarried into the most wonderful family. Her in-laws are wonderfully supportive people. She is truly blessed with a full house and a full life, which I get to be a part of.

And lastly, my Dad is recovering beautifully. He just retired, and is playing a lot of golf  with clear arteries! ;)

Am I just being optimistic? Uh, no. I'm naturally more of a "Debbie Downer". It is so clear to me the threads God has woven through my life. Threads of blessing, abundance, peace, comfort, providence, healing, gifts. And He is more sweet to me than ever. I know Him more deeply, as well as loving Him and accepting His love and gifts more freely.

Laura Story says this in her book "What if Your Blessings Come Through Raindrops?": "There is a depth of intimacy with God that can only be known through suffering." I testify to this-- pain brings blessings in abundance. Even as I write this I am in the midst of intense pain, but knowing God the way I do I can't imagine what He has for me on the other side of these trials.

"The LORD is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him . . . . "

Exodus 15:2 NKJV

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my savior; my God is my rock in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold."

Psalm 18:2 NLT

 

"The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.'"

Psalm 91:14 NLT

Hard Times

I've been reflecting a lot over the past several years of my life. Before my 30's I had it EASY. No big tragedies, very few heartaches and struggles outside the norm of growing up. But after 2000 that all changed.

In 2002 I was in 3 car accidents within a 4 month time period, one of which was very major and involved litigation. And one of which required physical therapy. The last took place while driving a friend's car which REALLY sucked.

In the years previous my Grandpa had passed away, and my parents moved away. In December of 2002 I moved to southern Oregon to be closer to my parents. At that point in time I hadn't been driving for 4 months due to fear, guilt, embarrassment, and consequences of the last accident. I was also greatly in debt. The move turned out to be a great thing. I got back "on my feet" in many ways.

I met and married my husband and we started a family. But after 2 months of marriage we suffered a miscarriage, and 4 months later I broke my right arm severely which required surgery and months of therapy as well as temporary loss of my piano playing. In 2007 our son Sam was born healthy after a diagnosis of hydrocephalus at 18 weeks gestation. The next summer my husband was diagnosed with CML-- Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. It is a "chronic" form of the disease that never truly goes away. And as of 20 years ago was pretty much a death sentence. Fortunately now it's very treatable.

Around this time we started to see some rapid signs of mental aging in my Grandma, who was truly the Matriarch of our family. She lived in the same home as my parents at the time. Within the next 2 years she was diagnosed with Dementia which turned out to be a very severe case. That journey was physically and emotionally the most difficult thing my family has been through to this point. It is agonizing watching your loved one deteriorate. And the worst part is that they know things aren't right, and sometimes live in a constant state of confusion and distress. To watch my joyful, encouraging Grandma change into a fearful, helpess, sad person was devastating.

In September 2010 my sister's husband left her which led to a very terrible and sad divorce. Our family is very close, and this was devastating to all of us. It was a lot like a death in the family. There was much grieving and sadness for all involved. Divorce is destructive. The effects are permanent. It is surely not what God intended, but we've seen Him continue to work in spite of this.

Last spring my Grandma rapidly declined. We finally called hospice to come assist us. Within 2 weeks of that call she was bedridden and gradually became non-communicative. She passed away on April 17, 2012 surrounded by her children as well as a few granddaughters and great-grandsons.

As you can imagine, we spent much time grieving, but just as I felt some strength and peace coming back, difficult times hit again. On Friday, November 17th my Dad experienced tightness and discomfort in his chest which led him to the ER where we live. After an Angiogram doctors found 6 blockages to his heart and dubbed him a "walking heart attack". He was transferred to OHSU that same day for emergency Open Heart Surgery. So he spent Thanksgiving in the hospital while most of our family celebrated in between trips to the hospital in Portland.

So. What's the point? Well, first of all this is just life. This is what it is. Yucky stuff. Humanity. But more than that it serves a great and GOOD purpose-- to bring blessings. Yep, blessings. I am a VERY emotional person (but if you're reading this you already know that ;)) I feel things DEEPLY. So all this pain and grief is stifling at times. But I am feeling something, and I am ultra-aware of God's presence and his hand on me. That's where the blessings come in. :)

(to be continued) . . .