Peace and Rest

"LIE DOWN IN GREEN PASTURES of Peace. Learn to unwind. Whenever possible, resting in the Presence of your Shepherd. This electronic age keeps My children . . . too tense to find Me . . . I built into your very being the need for rest.
. . . I have chosen you less for your strengths than for your weaknesses which amplify your need for Me. Depend on Me more and more, and I will shower Peace on all your paths." 

--Jesus Calling, Sarah Young

As I read this I pictured a warm spring day and a field full of soft, thick, green grass. I see myself as a child, laying in it, arms and legs spread, eyes half-closed, soaking up the sun and watching the clouds go by. A picture of peace and contentment.

PSALM 23:1-4 NLT

The Lord is my shepherd;

    I have all that I need.

 He lets me rest in green meadows;

    he leads me beside peaceful streams.

     He renews my strength.

He guides me along right paths,

    bringing honor to his name.

 Even when I walk

    through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

    for you are close beside me.

 

 



Daily Bread

"Give us this day our daily bread" has taken on new meaning in our household. Over the last 2 months our income has decreased by around 20 percent due to circumstances and choices we have made. We've become very creative with our meals, and much more conservative with our gas. We've shuffled bills around and been late on a few. Our lifestyle has changed in many areas.

My husband really struggles in the area of worry. (I think we all can fall into that trap pretty easily). Especially when it comes to money he fights to surrender control of that area. Don't get me wrong, he is joyful about giving back to God. He has a tremendous amount of faith, but the enemy definitely knows which buttons to push. The pressure is on for him. He takes care of balancing the checkbook and paying the bills, and right now he brings home most of the "bacon." And he's a husband and father of two kids. That responsibility is huge.

I have it easier. I don't have to look at the stack of bills and the bank statements. I manage most of the household expenses. I have a lot of prioritizing to do. For instance: Can I afford the gas to town to meet a friend for coffee? Can I afford the coffee? Do we buy school pictures for our kids, or groceries and gas? So that's where I am right now.

I'm actually OK with being here. I can't explain why, other than the knowledge that God provides. I've heard that my whole life. I've experienced it as a kid when my parents went through these same struggles. I've seen it in my own life and in our family many times. I always have exactly what I need when I need it. My kids are content (mostly). We have choices. We have a very comfortable home, electricity, running water, 2 vehicles, and many things we don't need.

This morning I woke up to my husband telling me about a math error that further complicates our financial situation. But to me, it simplifies things. The way I see it is that we have no alternative but to put our trust and faith in God. As I laid there praying and thinking about the needs of the next days and weeks I made a decision. I am going to ask God what we need for the day. One day at a time. And you know what? We have exactly what we need for today. My husband has gas to get to and from work. We have plenty of food in our home. Our bills are all paid.

Tomorrow we need gas for another day. I will ask the Lord for that. And He WILL provide. How? I don't know yet, and I don't need to know. He has unlimited resources and options to carry that out. Sometimes He uses other people who generously give to us. Our families have been invaluable in their help and support. Sometimes one visit to my Mom fills up our fridge for the week. There are many people in our lives that have blessed us with food, money and other gifts. Why? Because God leads them to do so. And that is a tremendous blessing; for us and for them. It's obedience on their part, and I know for some of them it involves love, faith, trust and an opportunity for growth in their lives.

The Bible was given to show us a picture of God; who He is and how He works. In the account of Abraham and Issac, God leads Abraham to make a sacrifice. Abraham is willing and obedient to give his son, but God provides a ram to take Issac's place. When does He provide? At the "11th hour". Right at the last minute, but no sooner and no later than exactly the time of need. Many times in scripture God provided for His people. When the Israelites were in the wilderness He provided food and drink. He provided protection as they fled Egypt. He provided an opportunity for Ruth to glean food, and later gave her a husband to become her provider, her "Kinsman-Redeemer." There are many examples in scripture. These were real people with real life needs.

God has been at work since before the creation of time. I think He knows what He's doing. One of our pastors has made a statement a few times recently. He said this: "Even if God were a man who had lived as long as He has don't you think we could trust that He knows what He's doing?"

Today it's easy for me to trust. I literally have no other option but worry. And that accomplishes nothing. Someone said, "Worry is like a rocking chair. It keeps you busy but doesn't get you anywhere." What about tomorrow? I pray that if things get "easier" and more comfortable for us that I continue to look to God for my daily needs. Whether I remember to ask Him for daily bread or not, He IS the one who provides it. So today I choose trust, faith and contentment. What a way to live!

³¹ Don’t worry and ask yourselves, “Will we have anything to eat? Will we have anything to drink? Will we have any clothes to wear?” ³² Only people who don’t know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father in heaven knows that you need all of these. ³³ But more than anything else, put God’s work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well. ³⁴ Don’t worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. You have enough to worry about today.  Matthew 6:31-34

"He Loves Us Too Much to Give Us Lesser Things"

"If God loves us, why does He seemingly withhold His blessings, especially when we're weak or vulnerable? . . . I'm convinced that the things we sometimes see as senseless suffering are often blessings in disguise. . . [God] loves us too much to offer us lesser gifts, gifts that somehow distance our hearts from Him. Have you been troubled by a setback you simply cannot understand? . . . try spending . . . more time thinking about God's love for you. . . It's surrounding you right now. Accept it and be grateful." --Laura Story

I've rarely been one to question God, or demand good things from Him. I do sometimes feel a sense of entitlement, though. In the midst of suffering I plead for relief, peace, the ceasing of pain. But that can be when growth takes place-- the stretching, molding. Is that the blessing? Maybe in part.

I just went through an agonizing couple of months of "leaving" a local church body whom I loved very much. God had called me to minister to them, and them to our family. The process was painful, devastating, agonizing--due to the hatefulness, judgment and rejection of some of these people. And I am still very much struggling, hurting, grieving. But was it God's best for me to stay there? I don't think so. Part of the blessing is His ultimate protection from much worse. Another blessing is His fervent guard over my soul, which was beginning to wither spiritually. And in the "long run" I trust that He has a place of health, safety and great blessings in a new place, with new people, a new calling.

 

"Now the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you."  
1 Peter 5:10 HCSB

What are "lesser gifts"? Maybe comfort, wealth, ease, things we label as "good". These things can definitely "distance our heart from Him". We think we don't need Him when we're comfortable. When am I closest to God? Usually in the midst of, or on the other side of pain, NOT when things are going just great and all my needs are met.

"God does not give us everything we want, but He does fulfill all His promises as He leads us along the best and straightest paths to Himself." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:18 NKJV

"You know the profound love that you hold in your heart for your family and friends. As a child of God, you can only imagine the infinite love that your Heavenly Father has for you." --Laura Story

One of my favorite passages in scripture is Ephesians 3:14-20.

¹⁴ When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father,

¹⁵ the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth.

¹⁶ I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit.

¹⁷ Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.

¹⁸ And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is.

¹⁹ May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

²⁰ Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

 

It all comes back to God's love for us. We can trust that, although we can't begin to comprehend the depth of it. Because He loves us so greatly He would never allow us to go through pain and suffering-- unless it was a "blessing in disguise" the only means to a blessed ending.

 

I know my theology isn't so deep, but it's where I am right now. The thing about God is that He reveals truth-- patiently, personally and faithfully.

Jesus Calling - August 28th

"GROW STRONG in the Light of My Presence. . . I designed you to commune with Me face to Face . . . Such communion provides a tiny glimpse of what awaits you in heaven . . ."

Psalm 4 (NLT)

 

Answer me when I call to you, O God who declares me innocent.

Free me from my troubles. Have mercy on me and hear my prayer.

² How long will you people ruin my reputation? 

How long will you make groundless accusations? 

How long will you continue your lies?

³ You can be sure of this: The Lord set apart the godly for himself. 

The Lord will answer when I call to him.

⁴ Don’t sin by letting anger control you. 

Think about it overnight and remain silent.

⁵ Offer sacrifices in the right spirit,and trust the Lord.

⁶ Many people say, “Who will show us better times?” 

Let your face smile on us, Lord.

⁷ You have given me greater joy than those who have

abundant harvests of grain and new wine.

⁸ In peace I will lie down and sleep,

 for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.

 

 

Revelation 21:1-5 (NLT)

 

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. ² And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them.⁴ He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”  ⁵ And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!”

 

 

The Blessings

There is a song by Laura Story that asks the following questions:

"What if Your blessings come through raindrops?"

"What if Your healing comes through tears?"

"What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near?"

"What if the trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?"

How do we truly know God? Only through the realization of our weakness are we led to seek Him. Sometimes it takes the raindrops, the tears, the sleepless nights, the trials to lead us there. And what's the benefit of knowing God? Everything! Knowing--intimately knowing --our Creator, the one who knows us better than any other, and provides everything we will ever need--physically, emotionally, spiritually. He is the "air we breathe"-- "our daily bread" -- our sustenance. He is our salvation, our freedom, our Savior and our Redeemer.

So . . . the wealth of hard times during the last 10 years of my life have brought immeasurable blessings. Because of difficult circumstances I moved closer to my parents. There I met my husband. Both of us felt God had ordained our relationship. He used prayer, friends and His perfect timing to bring us together. God has given us 2 beautiful boys. They are my comic relief, my snugglers, smarty pants, smart alecks, and my pride and joy.

I saw the power of prayer and faith firsthand as my son was healed before he was even born. Even the doctors and nurses could not deny or explain this miracle. Because of where we live my husband has been able to receive the best possible care for his specific type of leukemia. And his health is great. Treatment has worked perfectly.

My relationship with my parents is closer than ever due to the difficulties we have faced together. Living close gave me the immense privilege and honor of physically caring for my Grandma in her last years. My sons knew and loved her, and have sweet memories they will carry with them. The greatest blessing in her death is perfect healing. She is not confused, crippled or fearful. She is whole.

In November 2011 I got a new Brother-in-Law, 2 nieces and 1 nephew. My sister remarried into the most wonderful family. Her in-laws are wonderfully supportive people. She is truly blessed with a full house and a full life, which I get to be a part of.

And lastly, my Dad is recovering beautifully. He just retired, and is playing a lot of golf  with clear arteries! ;)

Am I just being optimistic? Uh, no. I'm naturally more of a "Debbie Downer". It is so clear to me the threads God has woven through my life. Threads of blessing, abundance, peace, comfort, providence, healing, gifts. And He is more sweet to me than ever. I know Him more deeply, as well as loving Him and accepting His love and gifts more freely.

Laura Story says this in her book "What if Your Blessings Come Through Raindrops?": "There is a depth of intimacy with God that can only be known through suffering." I testify to this-- pain brings blessings in abundance. Even as I write this I am in the midst of intense pain, but knowing God the way I do I can't imagine what He has for me on the other side of these trials.

"The LORD is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him . . . . "

Exodus 15:2 NKJV

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my savior; my God is my rock in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the strength of my salvation, and my stronghold."

Psalm 18:2 NLT

 

"The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name.'"

Psalm 91:14 NLT

Hard Times

I've been reflecting a lot over the past several years of my life. Before my 30's I had it EASY. No big tragedies, very few heartaches and struggles outside the norm of growing up. But after 2000 that all changed.

In 2002 I was in 3 car accidents within a 4 month time period, one of which was very major and involved litigation. And one of which required physical therapy. The last took place while driving a friend's car which REALLY sucked.

In the years previous my Grandpa had passed away, and my parents moved away. In December of 2002 I moved to southern Oregon to be closer to my parents. At that point in time I hadn't been driving for 4 months due to fear, guilt, embarrassment, and consequences of the last accident. I was also greatly in debt. The move turned out to be a great thing. I got back "on my feet" in many ways.

I met and married my husband and we started a family. But after 2 months of marriage we suffered a miscarriage, and 4 months later I broke my right arm severely which required surgery and months of therapy as well as temporary loss of my piano playing. In 2007 our son Sam was born healthy after a diagnosis of hydrocephalus at 18 weeks gestation. The next summer my husband was diagnosed with CML-- Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. It is a "chronic" form of the disease that never truly goes away. And as of 20 years ago was pretty much a death sentence. Fortunately now it's very treatable.

Around this time we started to see some rapid signs of mental aging in my Grandma, who was truly the Matriarch of our family. She lived in the same home as my parents at the time. Within the next 2 years she was diagnosed with Dementia which turned out to be a very severe case. That journey was physically and emotionally the most difficult thing my family has been through to this point. It is agonizing watching your loved one deteriorate. And the worst part is that they know things aren't right, and sometimes live in a constant state of confusion and distress. To watch my joyful, encouraging Grandma change into a fearful, helpess, sad person was devastating.

In September 2010 my sister's husband left her which led to a very terrible and sad divorce. Our family is very close, and this was devastating to all of us. It was a lot like a death in the family. There was much grieving and sadness for all involved. Divorce is destructive. The effects are permanent. It is surely not what God intended, but we've seen Him continue to work in spite of this.

Last spring my Grandma rapidly declined. We finally called hospice to come assist us. Within 2 weeks of that call she was bedridden and gradually became non-communicative. She passed away on April 17, 2012 surrounded by her children as well as a few granddaughters and great-grandsons.

As you can imagine, we spent much time grieving, but just as I felt some strength and peace coming back, difficult times hit again. On Friday, November 17th my Dad experienced tightness and discomfort in his chest which led him to the ER where we live. After an Angiogram doctors found 6 blockages to his heart and dubbed him a "walking heart attack". He was transferred to OHSU that same day for emergency Open Heart Surgery. So he spent Thanksgiving in the hospital while most of our family celebrated in between trips to the hospital in Portland.

So. What's the point? Well, first of all this is just life. This is what it is. Yucky stuff. Humanity. But more than that it serves a great and GOOD purpose-- to bring blessings. Yep, blessings. I am a VERY emotional person (but if you're reading this you already know that ;)) I feel things DEEPLY. So all this pain and grief is stifling at times. But I am feeling something, and I am ultra-aware of God's presence and his hand on me. That's where the blessings come in. :)

(to be continued) . . .

Jesus Calling - March 13th

"LEARN TO LIVE above your circumstances. This requires focused time with Me, the One who overcomes the world. Trouble and distress are woven into the very fabric of this perishing world. Only My Life in you can empower you to face this endless flow of problems . . . "

I'm pretty sure this is the greatest challenge of this life--living "above" our circumstances. This world is oppressive. That's the nature of sin and imperfection. I know Jesus is perfect now, and also was as a man. However it's easy to forget that He was fully IN this world. He felt oppression, temptation, and sin's effects. Who better to go to, to learn from to "sit with" than Jesus? "Focused time" is necessary because of all the distractions around us and IN us. My mind almost never shuts down. Focused time means clearing your mind--purposefully-- and THEN sitting in His presence--dwelling, abiding, listening.

"As you sit quietly in My Presence, I shine Peace into your troubled mind and heart. Little by little, you are freed from earthly shackles and lifted up above your circumstances. You gain My perspective on your life, enabling you to distinguish between what is important and what is not. Rest in My Presence . . . "

The effect of this time with Him is PEACE. Doesn't that sound amazing? What a gift in this burdensome life. His perspective really changes everything.

Whenever I hear the word "shackles" I think of one of my favorite songs which contains these lyrics:

 

"Take the shackles off my feet so I can dance. I just wanna praise Him.

He broke the chains so I can lift my hands. I just wanna praise Him."